Serendipity

While I'm walking through life, wondering how I get where I'm now, wondering why certain things happen to me, I do my best to stay equanimous. After all, what I experience might be just the right thing for me to learn, so is it really worth it to lament my fate?

A long, long time ago, when I met my first 'true love', I managed to totally freak her out by telling a story. Coming from an average, maybe even sub-average socio-economic background, calling a tiny rented subterranean apartment home, I fantasised about about being a writer.

I didn't deliberately call myself poor, and being able to rent a space, own an ancient beetle as car as a student indicated somehow I wasn't probably the wealthy provider for a potential family. I might have been charming, good-looking and interesting, someone to have fun with, but certainly would have failed to provide the prospect for a prosperous, care-free family life to come.

Aware of all the stories of the disowned heirs of noble blood, I reframed my meagre existence as research. You know, sweetheart, living in this tiny place, cash-strapped, optimistic yet limited is nothing but research for a book about average Joe. Coming from an enormously wealthy background, how could I ever write about 'common people' without immersing myself to a low-life existence?

I really loved her, still I probably hurt her a lot by making up a story about myself which was convincing, but still total fantasy. The only truth in it was my aspiration not to repeat the fate of my family, being an insignificant cog in the machine of society, subject to the whims of those who really ran the show.

My father, who died before I really got to know him, just so managed to feed his family as a labourer, got me into the strange idea to earn a living by virtue of my brain, instead of my hands. He probably realised that honest work in a dishonest society imposes limits of what you can achieve.

So instead of learning a 'real' trade, I embarked on IT work, at a time when it was booming and breaking boundaries. Being more of an introvert, programming and maintaining computers and networks allowed me to prosper for a while. I became financially independent, to an extent where money piled up, because coming from a frugal background, I didn't know how to spend it as fast as it came in.

I achieved what the norms of society define as 'success', making lots of money, but it came with a price. It just didn't make me happy, as I noticed how arbitrary the relation between work and payment was. At some point, while making about $150 an hour, sitting in front of a computer screen, seeing the cleaners sorting out the office, I wondered whether I deserve all that money while seeing someone doing 'real' work for probably less per day than I made for an hour.

The story I had told my first big love at the time had turned into reality, I became a commercially successful entity in a thoroughly corrupt society, no need to worry about my spending capacity. It didn't make me happy, though.

I felt like an impostor. While I loved the challenges of my job, I hated the circumstances of it. I turned from a tiny cog to a bigger cog in the machinery of doom, using my talents to prosper and maintain a system which needs lots of victims to function.

The system is a vampire, just like Shapeshifter stated. The bigger system though, the system of life in this universe, might as well support me, as the system of doom did before. Transforming the system of society has become my aim now, albeit all the strange experiences I went through since them.

We all have to make the choice, playing the game for our own pleasure, or changing it for our own fulfillment. As I've seen both sides of it, I'm determined not to go back to play the rotten game just to keep it alive. If this attitudes kill me, so be it.

Triple trouble / Alexithymia

You wished me into your life,

shortly allowing us both to thrive.

Two souls connected by touch

which soon became too much.

I knew I could only lose

by giving you freedom to choose

to decide with your mind or soul

I wanted you whole, and lost all

. 

I saw you shedding some tears,

while submitting to your fears.

I planted seeds of freedom in you,
would've loved be around for harvest, too.

The mix of cheap wine and deep sorrow

now has me waiting for a better tomorrow.

Sleepless night

Your life seems like a battle for control,

there's a fight against yourself inside -

you know that fight is just not right

and asked for help to become more whole.

We were mutually attracted,

and let our defences go

connected into effortless flow -

but very soon got distracted.

Control returned with a vengeance

and demanded plenty of distance.

The old ways came back and did much

to prevent more exposure to healing touch.

The door is still open, now you decide -

No jailbreak needed, want to step outside?

Liebeskummer

Our story was too good to be true -

if only I could stop loving you!

This torturing pain could go away

and my life would again seem okay.

You brought happiness back into my life,

I'd happily have chosen you as my wife.

I had millions of things for you to give,

'cos you gave me millions of reasons to live.

Now my heart feels empty and sad,

missing the special connection we had.

I'm way to numb to start to cry

I just know that I'm ready to die.

Our story was meant to last,

can't believe it ended so fast.

Querencia

Prelude

I'm playing the game of chance,

wanting my life to advance.

I had enough of luck's wrath

Just want to peacefully walk the path.

I had my fair share of the endless fight

about what's wrong & what's right

I can no longer stay in solitude

After steady increase of amplitude.

I see the tree tremble and shake,

in the game of give and take.

Deeply rooted to Gaia's core

That what I want of some more.

Yet it seem's like my life's predicament

is to remain in perpetual movement. 

Querencia

It seemed like coincidence

a random meeting of souls,

sharing o so many goals,

It turned into a cosmic dance.

Two hearts melting together

each of us of their own kind

thinking together as one mind

touch as light as a feather.

A common love of geometry

which shapes the universe

through which we traverse

brought our dreams into reality.

We were meant for each other,

For once, I stopped to bother.

Human nature

Language acts like a virus, especially once we enter the level of abstraction. While we might learn from General Semantics, or Rene Magrittes famous painting 'Ceci n'es pas une pipe', that even words describing tangible objects fail to capture the suchness of the worded item, abstractions lead us to a dive in truly murky waters.

We pave the road to misunderstandings elegantly when talking about all sort of -isms, as no-one can define those terms with authority and accuracy, albeit many claim to do exactly that. In most real life situations, people insist that 'everyone knows' what communism, socialism, capitalism, feudalism etc. means, and whether or not one abstract category fits into another.

Unless we become aware of the inherent inability of using language to describe our individual and shared experience, we are held captive in Plato's cave, and might easily get angry at those who have seen the light of day. That doesn't stop us from attempting to communicate verbally, and luckily in a majority of cases that still works out sufficiently for survival and even enjoyment.

Since Occupy Wall Street happened, the term 'human nature' became a highly popular confusing term to argue either for or against specific ways to organise society. Although all of us have our very own way of perceiving the world around us, and although language with its multiple levels of abstractions makes it challenging to pinpoint some agreeable ideas about 'human nature', I want to give it a shot.

The black-and-white perspective on human nature seems most popular, describing humans as inherently 'good' or inherently 'evil'. I guess most peoples experience rather shows them that some people act without the intent of harming others, and other do. Of course, even 'bad' people do some 'good', and vice versa. Using the black-and-white approach fails from the start to provide a framework that could be backed up by experience, no matter how much one wishes for people to fit into this worldview.

Modern psychology uses the Bell curve as a tool to describe the distribution of human traits. This approach seems much more appropriate to approach 'human nature' than the moralistic ideas lingering around in the dualistic approach of either 'good' or 'evil'.

Bell curve (normal distribution)

A lot of the categories we use in language compare to boxes, especially if we think in mutually exclusive categories (good/evil). Let's put the thinking in boxes aside for a while, and take the above image as a better representation of human nature, with potentially 'good' and 'evil' on the flat ends of the curve. If an axis 'willingness to do harm' exists in human nature, only a few percent fall into the extremes of psychopathy or saints, the rest will simply do whatever they perceive as 'normal'.

The origin of the idea of government, however, links back to the idea that humans can't be trusted, and need protection from each other. This meme spread first via religion (born in original sin), and was then happily reinforced by more secular forms of government which basically acted like parents for entire populations. The expressions 'fatherland' and 'motherland' remind us of the generally parental character of nationhood. 

As humans, we are individual expressions of consciousness, sui generis, and as such share some elementary needs. Besides that, we are pretty unpredictable most of the time, which makes life so interesting. A minority of humans lacks the ability of empathise, and therefor feels no remorse when harming others. How we can we deal with those individuals?

Keep your friends close, keep your enemies closer. In tribal societies, shamans held the responsibility to identify those individuals, and prevent them from harming the rest of the group. People with psychopathic predisposition don't turn automatically into monsters, and can still fulfil useful functions within their community. You might have noticed the absence of shamans in modern society, which happened unlikely just coincidentally.

Without anyone in the position to identify and keep psychopaths in check, they can basically do whatever they like. After killing or removing shamans as safe guards for communities, they could spread fear with impunity. And they used the fear they spread to demand even more power and less control for themselves. 

Has anyone ever wondered why an individual murderer bears the full brunt of punishment society can offer, while president Obama signs off kill list as regular routine task? We live in a world run by psychopaths, which used violence to implement systems of government that create heaven on Earth for themselves and other psychopaths. Being only a minority, this means hell for the rest of us. 

As a majority of humanity can be described as relative gullible, they perpetuate this mad system that harms the rest of humanity, many other forms of life on this planet and the planet itself. This has several motivations. (hey, we're all individuals), which potentially collapse into the erratic believe that human nature is inherently 'good' or 'evil'. As long as we believe in the validity of this construct, psychopath will maintain control over the rest of the population.

If ones believe that we're inherently 'good', then she/he will fall for any intentional lie. If government harms the environment or other people, it is 'for the greater good'. If one believes that we're inherently 'evil', their fear will ask for protection, even from themselves. Just when one understands that we cannot generalise this aspect of human nature, the opportunity arises to reign in the psychopathic elements in society without converting it into a prison for all but the psychopaths.

Humans can adapt probably better than any other species to their environment. Humanity survived much longer without the illusion of government than with it. Well, maybe we managed to get to this historical water shed moment before, and just wiped out the memory of it by nearly extinguishing our species. We have seemingly unlimited learning potential, as individuals and as community. We can create a world that shares the resources of this planet, and allows 100% of humanity to survive and prosper. 

If we don't do it, the cosmos might giggle in schadenfreude about the failed human experiment, or feel sad about its end, or remain equanimous as the universe continues to exist.  

Orenda

And so I decided to surrender

to a state known as orenda

named by an indigenous culture,

which was far from vulgar.

It's our divine spark,

which makes its mark,

in how we affect change,

and let all things rearrange.

It's a mythical force,

fruits of cosmic spores

to let us live in light

and to know what's right.

Will I find someone on this path

liberated from their personal wrath?

Unacyclist

I did many things as hobby in my lifetime, yet unicycling is something to last. Most urban environments offer sufficiently levelled surfaces, it's a bit faster than walking, much more fun though, and it reminds me of my work as Alexander Technique teacher in a mindful and non-intellectual way.

I also love the reaction of people I encounter along my cruises. Today's ride on a sunny autumn day was action-packed like never before, with some big surprises along the way. At the moment, quite a lot of the bike paths I usually take are blocked off, finding a safe route into the CBD can be quite challenging.

Off peak hours, Lygon Street doesn't scare me much, as long as the cars stay on their lanes the parked cars offer enough space for a slow moving unicycle. Bikes overtake me a lot, and while I soaked in the sunny afternoon, a MAMIL (middle-aged men in lycra) overtook me on his racing bike. He swerved over the tram tracks, and threaded his front wheel into the tracks on the way back. Ouch.

In Dr ABC fashion, while some helper guarded the cyclists from traffic, I moved his bike out of the way, before helping the guy to the side of the road. Assuring he was fine, besides some bruises, I cycled on. At the next set of traffic lights, someone had ripped the metal casing for the button open, when I started my index finger hooked into the sharp end and cut it.

Slightly bigger than a needle prick, the wound bled a bit. When I found something to wrap around the finger, I swerved a bit to the 'wrong side' of the bike track, which was greeted by another MAMIL with an 'Fuckwit!' outcry.

At the end of this section of the bike path, a school class was gathered next to it, spotting me early and spreading excitement. "You're awesome! I saw you yesterday! A unicycle!" And when I finally passed next to them, a round of applause accompanied me. After bowing and thanking it was hard to wipe the smile off my face.

The cruise along Royal Parade and the uni campus went smoothly, yet I kept my guard up for a potential encounter with Melbourne Bike Patrol. The center piece of the most liveable city of the world is currently a nasty construction site, with most of the pavement fenced off for a tight pedestrian squeeze. So unlike in the good old days (last December), when there was hardly any car traffic from the State Library down to Flinders Street Station, I had push along the pavement, and then switching to the road whenever possible.

Finally, on the block of Melbourne City Hall, I spotted two blue-shirted bike patrollers on the other side of the road. I continued my ride, swerved onto the pavement to walk over the pedestrian crossing, when I heard my name. "L, can we talk to you for a moment?"

It was the same constable that gave me last fine, however, his approach was this time much friendlier. He told me that a letter is on the way to me, revoking the fine. It become obvious that they had researched the current road code, and wanted to stop any further processing. More importantly, it seemed as if now the entire bike patrol knew about the lack of compulsory helmets for unicycle. At the next block of Swanston Street, one patroller I hadn't seen before, addressed me by name to spread the good news.

I still don't know how happy I can be about the change of events. Even the short talks I had indicated how much the police knows now about me, and at least the Unacycling incidents. Although I get myself prepared to stand my case in court, I don't insist on turning this into a hilarious spectacle.

A full moon as guide
shone through a sky of chemtrails
when I did my work.

Isolation

Time has come to a halt,

and I feel really old.

My mind keeps racing,

and needs some pacing.

I crave for normality,

which means insanity,

all twisting and turning

won't stop that yearning.

Everything is alright,

no end is in sight,

I got it all wrong,

and just move along.

O graceful desire

please relight my fire!

You can still make me mad,
and even terribly sad.
But it's me feeling that,
it doesn't go on your hat.

It still looks like a pile of shite,
all this talking about not feeling right,
but it's you that chooses your fate,
and who is or is not your mate.

There were only few
to show me something new -
one of them was you,
well, that's now through.

I don't know whether to laugh or cry
after this very, very weird good-bye.
So I sit back and relax,
and reminisce some soggy sex.

Eye is watching you,
it's no lie, it's true!

Shalom

There's a land breaking all the rules,
bombing hospitals, houses and schools,
while the world watches and waits
and so silently participates.

Genocide is in fashion again
let's massively increase the pain,
do it for your nation's fame,
killing kids without any shame.

Countries come, and countries go,
as part of the endless flow.
They're not real, they're only show,
and even worse, they stop us grow.

Genocide is in fashion again
let's massively increase the pain,
do it for your nation's fame,
killing kids without any shame.

Nobody wants to die for you,
nobody chose to die for you.
I hope you enjoy your silly dance
and killing by your ignorance.

You're hands are bloody, so are mine,
yet i can't help it to feel like a swine.
paying my taxes to a murderous crew,
protecting assets of a chosen few.

Genocide is in fashion again
let's massively increase the pain,
do it for your nation's fame,
killing kids without any shame.

So if our leaders don't stop to fight
then they are useless, that's alright.
Most vicious men sit in government
it's now time that their powers end.