I've been to the Magistrate's Court several times now, yet never before encountered such a long queue to get inside. Armed with some paper work, I made it inside, just to find out that my case wasn't listed.
I heard also that there is no case listed for next week, so the at least the prosecutor kept this part of the promise. Later today, I received the letter confirming that I don't need to appear again. It's dated two days later than the adjournment letter I received last week, kind of amazing how long delivery within the same city can take.
So at least this episode of living in a police state worked out positive at the hand. Not only didn't I have to pay any fines, I guess at least Melbourne Bike Patrol will leave me alone when I'm unicycling. To quote my prosecutor: These matters are now finalised.
Going to court last tuesday didn't turn out to be fun. The combination of little sleep, public transport and Melbourne winter weather turned into a cold which still lingers around a bit. It eased a little bit when Sergeant Mark Stephens rang me up to tell me about his decision, whether to prosecute me for unicycling without a bike helmet or not.
While I stayed much calmer on the phone than at court, Sgt. Stephens sounded a bit apprehensive. He stated, however, that the both charges against me were dropped. My vague information about the second charge was enough to find it, so after patiently listening and making sure that I got him right, I asked for a written confirmation about the charges being dropped.
His reaction seemed a bit odd to me at the time, as if I should simply rely on his word. He even asked for my address. I'm quite sure there will be a file with my name available to him, but I went along anyway. The easiest way to prosecute someone is certainly to prevent the defendant from showing up.
So i asked Sgt Stephens for a written confirmation before the date of the second charge (July 30th), and was surprised to find a letter from the Magistrate Court today, as he suggested it might take time for this written admission of error.
What I got though was an 'Advice of hearing', stating my first charge was adjourned for a 'mention' on the 24th. So far, it looks like the second broken promise by people in Vic Police uniform. If it wasn't a silly game, I would turn the attack around and start suing Vic Police for harassment. However, mentioning harassment in person to one of perpetrators seems more satisfying than deploying a phony legal system against itself.
Another opportunity to stay calm while speaking truth to power, hidden behind a uniform swearing allegiance to the genocidal British crown. At least I now know what to expect, and might have some fun with the interaction after all.
I went to the Magistrate's Court today, as I am officially charged with the 'summary offense' of failing to wear a bike helmet on a unicycle. It helped a lot to have been there before, and knowing bits of the proceedings that apply to 'offenders' like me.
Instead of seeing the Magistrate to explain as to why a unicycle is not a bike, although it was legally defined as one until 2009, I had a bit of a talk to some of the prosecutors. Paper is patient, it's perfectly possible to fill it with lots of contradiction without the medium being affected in any way. I lost my patience a bit, and still managed to pick some interesting information on the way.
The charge itself needs some intellectual detours to make sense. There is the mismatch between 'unicycle' and 'bicycle helmet', which could make people suspicious in first place. Then again, law is not about common sense. If common sense would play a larger role in everyday life, we wouldn't need a plethora of laws, which, according to the prosecutor I spoke to, can't be known in its entirety even by police men.
The charge contained a hard copy of the dictionary of Victoria's road rules, the green marked part defines a bicycle as plenty of things, including unicycle. However, the part marked in red states the version of the legal text, it is from1999.
The law applicable to the charge, referred to on the summary sheet, clearly states Road Safety Road Rules of 2009 as the bit I ostensibly offended against. Okay, I admit, once things get defined in the law to ease fining citizens, it seems unlikely that a law will change to reflect common sense again. The current version of the law reflects what determines a bicycle, and legally distinguishes between uni- and bi-cycle.
When I mentioned that I felt harassed by the treatment of Constable Tyrell, the prosecutor mentioned that Vic Police is entitled to do a lot more than just stopping me and taking my details. In a way, it seemed like in the Stanford Prison experiment, the person in uniform emanating a sense of entitlement and infallibility.
Superficially, the entire case looks more than ridiculous. Besides the cognitive dissonance required to consider a unicycle the same as a bike, using two versions of the same legal text in the same bunch of documents shows how little scrutiny for detail the people dealing with this charge displayed.
I never had a court case before, and being considered as an 'offender' fails to instigate any confidence in the legal system. My crime: unicycling. How outrageous. How socially inacceptable. How non-conforming.
I guess the implicit attempt to shift blame towards me got my Liver Qi rising. While at least one Melbourne Bike Patrolero admitted his error, just like in Terry Gilliam's Brazil, 'officials' don't like admitting mistakes.
The shocking admission that police men 'don't know all the laws' and are entitled to random activities that seem to me just like harassment doesn't raise confidence into the local authorities at all. If common sense goes overboard, and people in uniform act like street robbers, the notion of a 'free' society has died.
So what the friendly prosecutor communicated was 'follow orders from police, no matter whether they are in line with legislation or not'. Don't feel harassed for being hindered in your ways, treated like a criminal, having to spend time and money to make those who 'protect the law' read the laws in first place. What a brave new world.
I did many things as hobby in my lifetime, yet unicycling is something to last. Most urban environments offer sufficiently levelled surfaces, it's a bit faster than walking, much more fun though, and it reminds me of my work as Alexander Technique teacher in a mindful and non-intellectual way.
I also love the reaction of people I encounter along my cruises. Today's ride on a sunny autumn day was action-packed like never before, with some big surprises along the way. At the moment, quite a lot of the bike paths I usually take are blocked off, finding a safe route into the CBD can be quite challenging.
Off peak hours, Lygon Street doesn't scare me much, as long as the cars stay on their lanes the parked cars offer enough space for a slow moving unicycle. Bikes overtake me a lot, and while I soaked in the sunny afternoon, a MAMIL (middle-aged men in lycra) overtook me on his racing bike. He swerved over the tram tracks, and threaded his front wheel into the tracks on the way back. Ouch.
In Dr ABC fashion, while some helper guarded the cyclists from traffic, I moved his bike out of the way, before helping the guy to the side of the road. Assuring he was fine, besides some bruises, I cycled on. At the next set of traffic lights, someone had ripped the metal casing for the button open, when I started my index finger hooked into the sharp end and cut it.
Slightly bigger than a needle prick, the wound bled a bit. When I found something to wrap around the finger, I swerved a bit to the 'wrong side' of the bike track, which was greeted by another MAMIL with an 'Fuckwit!' outcry.
At the end of this section of the bike path, a school class was gathered next to it, spotting me early and spreading excitement. "You're awesome! I saw you yesterday! A unicycle!" And when I finally passed next to them, a round of applause accompanied me. After bowing and thanking it was hard to wipe the smile off my face.
The cruise along Royal Parade and the uni campus went smoothly, yet I kept my guard up for a potential encounter with Melbourne Bike Patrol. The center piece of the most liveable city of the world is currently a nasty construction site, with most of the pavement fenced off for a tight pedestrian squeeze. So unlike in the good old days (last December), when there was hardly any car traffic from the State Library down to Flinders Street Station, I had push along the pavement, and then switching to the road whenever possible.
Finally, on the block of Melbourne City Hall, I spotted two blue-shirted bike patrollers on the other side of the road. I continued my ride, swerved onto the pavement to walk over the pedestrian crossing, when I heard my name. "L, can we talk to you for a moment?"
It was the same constable that gave me last fine, however, his approach was this time much friendlier. He told me that a letter is on the way to me, revoking the fine. It become obvious that they had researched the current road code, and wanted to stop any further processing. More importantly, it seemed as if now the entire bike patrol knew about the lack of compulsory helmets for unicycle. At the next block of Swanston Street, one patroller I hadn't seen before, addressed me by name to spread the good news.
I still don't know how happy I can be about the change of events. Even the short talks I had indicated how much the police knows now about me, and at least the Unacycling incidents. Although I get myself prepared to stand my case in court, I don't insist on turning this into a hilarious spectacle.
Today I got convinced that this part of the world has already been converted to some sort of open citizen prison, Victoria Police acting as prison guard defending national security by harassing whoever appears to cross their path the wrong way.
I found a tiny card next to the penalty notice in my mailbox, which I nearly threw away as advertising. The card informed that L/S/C Mlikota paid me a visit, and asked to get in contact. After the second call to my local police station I got informed that some documents were waiting for me.
The police woman that gave me my charge (by contesting the penalty I now get charged in front of the Magistrate Court) acted very helpful, and didn't even ask for my ID before handing out the paper work. I'm not too sure whether police sees (and checks) incoming numbers, I'm sure she was convinced that I spoke to her about this charge on the phone earlier.
I browsed quickly through the papers, and found the same outdated legal definition from 1999 I saw already as attachment to $464 worth of fines. So I smiled at her and asked whether it is common to get charges delivered in person, as I contested a number of similar fines, and thus will get more charges soon. I pointed out to her that the current Road Code, as of 2009, has a different definition for bicycle.
I pulled out the printout of the current version, showed it her and said that this is the reason why I contested all that fines. An older police man joined the conversation, and tried to reach the constable in question. I mentioned that I don't mind to go to court to make my case, having the written law on my side. 'But he only wants to help...', unfortunately, he didn't.
Of course, as its my local police station, sun was shining, and it's a pain in the ass to drive a car along Sydney Road on a friday arvo and find a park, I had my trusty unicycle with me. The copper wanted to make me wrong, and started the usual false argumentation. Danger of cycling without helmets, which I countered with the lack of compulsory helmet laws in Europe. 'You'd better get back then', and I squeezed a grimaced 'Thank you, sir' as reply, took my papers and left.
It took maybe four or five statements back and forth before this happened - I usually insist on quoting the definition, and pointing out that a unicycle has ONE wheel, no gears, chains or belts. Meanwhile, the police woman looked like checking my printout online on her phone. At a distance, it looked like good cop, bad cop, luckily with a counter between us.
The accused at Parkville on Monday the 5th of December 2011 did fail to wear a securely fitted and approved bicyclehelmet at Royal Parade whilst riding a unicycle. Does anybody else notice the bit of Orwellian Newspeak in this charge?
When people in uniform don't like the word of the law if you hold it under their own noses, and still insist that you must have done something wrong, because they don't err, the police state has arrived. They follow orders, not the law. I mean, with the legal situation whether I'm 'guilty' or not bases on the ability to count. Does a unicycle have two or more wheels? Does it have gears, belts or chains?
Not mine :( Yet identical in its setup: One wheel, no belts, gears, chains
Coincidentally, each time I got done on the unicycle I was on my way to Occupy Melbourne, each time to different locations: Flagstaff Gardens, Father Bob's and City Square. In comparison to my harassment I witnessed much more bewildering and violent police activities in each of those (and other) locations.
Occupy inspired me to film one of those encounters with Melbourne Bike Patrol (there to fight BIKE CRIME). I failed to connect to Constable Miletta from human to human, and have already a new strategy for the next time he or his fellow bike crime fighters infringe on my right to freely move through Melbourne's public space.
Now I can rehearse my defence in court, and investigate how to turn the pages by asking for compensation for the continuing harassment. We don't need police to enforce laws that protect people from themselves, even if they don't exist. We rather need protection from people in uniform making their own laws.
